Why am i like this...i hate myself. i feel like im being left out of things..
i felt like i lost my friends...not because of any negative issues but because it's just that there are new people to meet...there's one person shtting me that it's because i've done somethin wrong...but actually he's just sayin that because he wants me to get depressed and have some trouble with my mind thinking about things of the past...but actually i think i feel this way because i lack experiences about things for being teenager like gettin into a sport, having interests of certain shows...and i think i had confusions in my life that i wasn't able to solve that it made my relationship to other people like my friends to be left behind...or just being reckless about the situation i handles before...i hate this feeling that i am so dumb on things that i should have to know to be able to relate myslef to other people...
"I HATE THIS FEELING of BEING LEFT OUT and CAN'T DO ANYTHING THAN JUST GOING WITH THE FLOW"
i feel like a DEAD kid dealing with other people...
I have new friends but I can't relate with their kind of conversations because i dont know what they are talkin about...I don't wanna force myself to get into it because I am scared that they might say that i am so clingy with them....they are my new friends..and they have been friends for a long time....So im new with them..i guess...
i've been feeling SO ALONE for a week... One of them told me ago "we're not close!" and i was hurt and i just avoiding thinking about it but i can't...but i was with him and our other friends last year...now im starting to be awkward to him...i felt that i am so ALOOF with our group....i hate this feeling....i am so left out...left alone...and nothin to do about it...what should i do? One of my friends had just left me and no reason to do that. I thought that he's already avoiding me for whatever reason...he transfered to another school...and he's happy there now .. i think that's the reason why he doesn't want to look back...he told me about this way back when we're still classmates...he wanna forget all the things he has in school as soon as he get to his new school and i think he does.....I felt like back to ZERO... is this a downfall...
when i approach the people i wanna be friends with ...they become distant...
what happens...the people that ruins my life are the ones who approaches me...approaches me of shit mess they wanna give....they are so hell.....and THAT's not nice... i dont want those mean people....I want friends not foes....Its different!
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i have new friends but as i have observed some of them were casting me away not just telling it direclty but doing it in action so its not that obvious...like what happend awhile ago..one of my friend acted what he did last year...it some sort of he doesnt want me to be on the group...i dont know why such things are happening...everything is blurry to me....it's one of the reason why my day is RUINED
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Why do some people think that I’m so negative? I’m just talking with them and sharing my lonely moments coz I trust them and I know that they could ease the pain inside me. But they fail me and it’s so disappointing knowing that your friend thinks that way.
Oh am I really alone. Like when I was in school yesterday. My friends? Or Should I call them friends? They saw me going to the cafeteria at school and I asked them if they had lunch already and they just said “yah”…not thinking that I’ll eat alone at the canteen and definitely no one to be with coz I have a gap with my best friend. They just passed over me not thinking about my situation at the cafeteria. Maybe they are just my friends in times of fun not in times of need…
Why do I experience this kind of situation always?
Are they my real friends? Or it's the other way around? I'm so tired of this. My friends and I were just together during break times at school because we're not in the same class. But I don't blame them for that reason. The problem is that only during break times we're together and that's the only time we could have our bonding time. But they are just with me while they are eating their food, when they're done they always leaving me alone at the cafeteria not thinking that I'm left alone. I just feel awkward to tell them about it when they are doing it but on this day I decided to tell it once more coz as far as I know I did this once. But when I tell him about it, he's always answering me of why should I go with my classmates and hang out with them. Doesn't he know the reason why I go with them? It's because I enjoy their company but I think he's not aware of it or he just don't really want to know it. He always pushes me to my classmates. What the heck! Why is he like that! He's not a real friend…The reason why I don't hang out with my classmates is because I don't enjoy their company. I don't feel comfortable with them! But I think he's just being too selfish because as he said at school, when they were with their classmate friends, "oh Deex you're gettin' out of the place!" I just kept quiet and sayin' to my mind that it's nothing. Then I decided to go back at the classroom and not to join them at that time. I'm so disappointed with them.
While in the classroom I have one classmate whom I only trust and consider a friend but today I realize she's isn't true and loyal. I think she's brainwashed by my classmate who hates me for just small thing. Because she's always telling me that she will be always there if have a problem. This problem is about my classmate who back fights me. And she showed uninterested about it. I think that's because she's close with that person. I feel so alone today. I can't help it…
Dee(delacroix) feelin Blue...;(
Feeling blue today
I dunno why maybe because of the song that I'm listening at this time. Feelin envious about my friend
He seems to be so happy about his life.
NO probs, no blues, nothing freakish stuffs.
Dee(delacroix) feelin Blue...;(
